Step One
by withbatedbreath
Summary: Post finale LL. You say we need to talk.


He shifted the grocery bags to one hand and knocked gently on the front door with the other. The only response from inside the house was the sound of Paul Anka dashing across the wood floors to bark loudly at the visitor on the other side of the door.

Luke knew he had promised to give Lorelai as much time as she needed, but figured if he came bearing dinner he would be forgiven. He rapped gently one more time, finally just turning the knob and letting himself in, grumbling under his breath about her leaving the door unlocked. The house was silent and he assumed she was napping. Between the last minute party preparations, the party itself, and needed to get Rory organized and packed so quickly, the stress had to finally catch up with her.

He deposited the bags on the kitchen table, Paul Anka following closely at his heels while he quickly and quietly put the perishables in the fridge and the chicken onto a plate to thaw. He shushed the dog as he continued to yip and yap at him, before finally throwing him a broccoli crown, which he eagerly began to knaw on.

Finally, Luke stood in the kitchen watching the dog and began to survey his surroundings. He didn't even realize he was holding his breath until it was forced out of him by the realization that nothing felt different. He was expecting something to feel odd, out of place, just _different_ since the last time he had been in the kitchen, more than a year ago. But there was no sign that anyone but Lorelai had ever lived here, eaten here, slept here. It was a good thing, considering who the most recent inhabitants had been, but at the same time a wave of sadness coursed through his gut: there was no sign of himself either. A year ago this was supposed to be their house together, and now it was just hers. He shook his head to rid himself of the unwelcome, depressing thoughts and for the first time noticed that the light in Rory's room was on.

Peeking inside he found Lorelai, sound asleep on Rory's bed, Colonel Clucker tucked under one arm. There were partially unpacked cardboard boxes surrounding the bed, and books and clothes haphazardly strew about the room. Luke carefully stepped over a copy of "Waiting for Godot", and pulled a blanket from one of the boxes to drape over Lorelai. She didn't even flinch as he tucked it around her, and he could see the dried tear tracks on her cheeks as he moved a strand of hair out of her face. He let his hand linger on the crown of her head for a moment, before finally turning to close the light, and shut the door behind him.

* * *

Lorelai awoke to the sounds of pots clanging and a muttered "shit!" coming from the kitchen. She threw back the blanket and carefully assessed the room, confused for a moment at her sleeping location. The sound of something metal hitting the floor finally propelled her off the bed and into the kitchen. She leaned against the doorframe, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and began to giggle at the sight before her. Luke's body was halfway into the cabinet under the sink, his backside sticking up in the air, and she could hear his muffled rants through the thick wood. She watched as Paul Anka tried to squish his own head into the open cabinet next to Luke to see what was going on and couldn't help but laugh out loud as Luke finally began to back himself out, dragging the dog by his collar.

"Find any treasure?" She was finally able to ask through the giggles, reaching down to pat the dog on the head.

He gave her a dirty look, and removed his hat to rub the top of his head, which had had an untimely meeting with the counter as he stood up. He leaned back against the counter, "No, I was trying to make you dinner. But, you seem to be missing all of the utensils, pots, and pans, cooking requires."

Lorelai sobered a bit, remembering the kitchen supplies that were the first Luke items to be boxed up and disposed of.

"Yeah, about that… I'm not really equipped for anything but take-out at the moment."

"Or anything that can't be defrosted?" He said, holding up the cookie sheet that they both knew was only used for tattertots and frozen pizza.

She shrugged and moved further into the kitchen to inspect the mess that he had made on the counter.

"I just figured, you probably hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, and I had leftovers from the party, and Sookie said she kicked you out of the Inn around lunchtime so…." He trailed off, unable to look Lorelai straight in the eye and wondering if maybe it was too much, too soon.

"Thank you," she said just as softly as she had the night before, two words that had replayed in his dreams all night long, and day while he was cooking at the diner. She ducked her head to make him meet her gaze and repeated herself again when he finally looked at her. Her eyes were honest and bright and he knew he hadn't made a mistake in coming over.

"I guess the cooking isn't going to happen, do you want to go out somewhere?"

"I'm still kind of exhausted." Luke felt his stomach drop a bit with the rejection, "But can we order from Al's and just stay here?" He released a quick breath of relief. Both spoke quietly and with some hesitation in their voices, so happy to be finally back here, but cautious of each other all the same.

"Sure, lemme just…" he began to clean up his aborted dinner but Lorelai lay a hand over his as he reached for the cutting board and knife.

"You've done more than enough this weekend, Luke, I can clean up. Find the phone though? And order me whatever the special from Al's is?"

"Ok."

While he searched through couch cushions, Luke was struck by the feeling of how familiar this all was, how comfortable and just normal it felt to be back in the house, doing something as simple as ordering dinner. He quickly placed the order for delivery and returned to the kitchen to find that Lorelai had finished cleaning up and was back in Rory's room, straightening the bed.

"I was just trying to put some stuff away, she wasn't here long enough to finish unpacking, and the boxes are still all over the place. She likes her books a certain way on the shelves, but who knows when she'll back again. I started to do them by color, but that's just me, she probably wants them by country, or geography or…" Lorelai trailed off, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, fussing with the edge of the comforter.

Luke awkwardly sat next to her; he was always uncomfortable in Rory's room, like he was intruding somehow, a man in this clearly "girls only" place. It had taken him months to get over that feeling just sitting in the living room when he and Lorelai had started dating, the _first_ time, he thought sourly.

"She'll be back." He reassured her, one arm going around her shoulders as she began to sniffle.

"I know she had to go, it was time, she graduated and she's an adult. But, it's just too fast! So fast, she was here, and we were going on the roller coasters, and then we had Friday Night Dinner and she was gone!"

The sniffles became full on, silent, heartbreaking tears. Luke stroked her hair slowly with one hand, rubbing soft, calming circles on her back with the other. He murmured soft, wordless sounds until she began to quiet, occasionally sniffling in the flannel of his shirt.

"I'm sorry, you didn't come here for this. I didn't mean to-" She pulled back, wipping her nose with the back of one hand, and her eyes with the other.

"Lorelai, it's fine. It's exactly why I came. Not because I wanted you to cry, but because, I dunno, you're sad, and I was hoping maybe dinner would make you not so sad. Guess it didn't work." He stood up, and braced himself with both arms in the doorway, head bowed in defeat.

"No, Luke! I'm glad you're here," Lorelai reached for him, wrapping each hand tightly in his flannel and keeping him from moving. "I know we still need to talk about…everything, but," she moved forward to rest her forehead on his collarbone, "I missed you."

"I missed you, too." He whispered into her hair as his arms reached around to hold her tightly.

* * *

They ate dinner quietly, sitting side by side on the sofa. Hesitant at first, Luke had planted himself at the furthest end of the couch, Lorelai at the other.

"Nice tv," he commented as he fought to gather lo mein with his chopsticks.

"Ah, it's… something," Lorelai curled her feet up under her, and Luke wondered if she was trying to get further away from him. She refused to look at him and spent too many minutes examining her own dish.

He looked at her quizzically, "You don't like it? It's got Tivo, you always wanted Tivo."

"Yeah, I thought I did. But, it's too complicated, too many buttons, too many shiny new features, I can't figure out how to work it, and it made me miss the 'American's Top Chef' Finale. I want my old tv and trusty VCR back, but this one's too heavy to get down, and is going to make a giant hole in the wall and-"

He cut off her rant with a hand on her knee, "I can patch the hole, if you want?"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you here, why do you want to fix it?" she asked quietly.

"Are we talking for real now?"

"I think so," she turned to face him on the couch and wrapped both arms around her knees.

He sighed and placed his dinner on the coffee table, "I thought we covered this last night. Apart isn't an option, apart sucks."

"Does it ever," she nodded in agreement.

"So what's the problem?"

"All the stuff that happened, while we _were_ apart, can we, can you, get past it?"

"I have to. I have. I still don't understand, why _him_, but, but if the alternative is sitting in my apartment, stewing over what happened, or should have happened, or didn't happen… I don't want to do that anymore. I need us. I need us together." He was silent a moment, "All that stuff that happened before, the I did before we were apart, can you?"

"I did, a long time ago, Luke. We both screwed up. You didn't trust me, but I then I didn't come to you either. We've got some stuff to work on though."

"I know."

"We're going to fight, and yell, and I'll probably cry some more, and we have to _talk_. I know you hate to talk, but we have to talk about the important stuff. Even if it hurts. You made me promise no secrets, you have to promise, too." There was a pleading edge to her tone that she hadn't intended, but the reality of how big this thing between them was, their entire future, had brought some of the fear back to the surface.

"Apart is not an option," he repeated slow and steady. "Not an option," he reached out and grabbed Lorelai's ankles, dragging her into his lap.

She rearranged herself to get more comfortable, but then turned and grabbed his shirt by the topmost buttoned button, tugging him to look down at her, "I don't want to start over though. Starting over is going backwards, we've already done the beginning thing."

"Okay," he agreed, meeting her steady gaze.

"Okay," she repeated, "okay," she leaned up just as he tilted down, their lips meeting for a chaste, sweet kiss. "Okay."

She scooted down to rest her head on his shoulder as Luke laid them both down on the sofa. Exhaustion from the past few days, entire year even if they were being completely honest, was finally beginning to take its toll.

"Tired," she murmured into his neck sleepily, as he untangled her hand from his shirt collar to entwine their fingers.

"Sleep."

"Stay?" Her eyes were already closed.

He kissed her forehead softly, "Okay."

"Love you." He could feel her began to relax, her breaths becoming slow and even.

"Always."


End file.
